Sometimes...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I want to jump out my 3rd floor window, or head on collide with a truck hauling construction equipment, or put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger.

Sometimes I would like to do it in a less dramatic manner like with carbon monoxide, or hemlock, or cyanide.

Sometimes Im sick of being a worm beget by worms on this insignificant planet in the middle of nowhere, struggling to survive, knowing things are not gonna get any better only worse(I mean lets face it).

Sometimes diminishing returns and entropy and economic insecurity and the fragility of the human condition are just too much for me and I break, and I cry, and I wonder why God would do this to every single person who ever lived or will live, why cant he/she/it just be here, why couldnt I be created perfectly, instead of like this, some wriggling piece of flesh adrift in the universe and condemned to the unavoidable fate of decrepitation and demise?

This fucking sucks. Sometimes when I cant just glaze over my mind and destract myself from the harsh cold realities of my existance. When I put on that mask of the helpful, friendly guy who doesnt have a care in the world, because he is blessed, yeah sometimes I cant wear that mask and then I can see how cursed I really am.