The Leader Beater
Undergown Beauty
Worship Sausage Power

What do these phrases have in common? That and more is on my 'fridge.

See for yourself:

If anybody was wondering what I look like while eating sushi(Which I dont mind, its just the seaweed wrapper I hate)

Here it is:

Is it hard to use adifferent username to do something?

If tech support tells you use this login:

username:whatever
Password:whatever

Wouldn't you just log in as whatever:whatever? Would you throw a giant stink ass hissyfit and say that things are just wrong?

My answer to that: whatever:whatever

!!!

I feel bad for not getting to the reflectoporn.

Sad thing is I dont have anything to post.

I feel worn out. Maybe because I went to bed way early and woke up at 3:26.

some girl left me this message. She keeps asking me who I am and I dont know how to answer her. Its such a complicated question.

alyxzandra@mac.com: BOO
Auto response from canopenno: Come and get one in the yarbles! If you have any yarbles.
alyxzandra@mac.com: fine ill call the cops if u dont answer me

Well tonight Ill give the reflectopron another try.

I wanna give it the time and attention it desrves so I dont have another coffeepot incident.

In the meantime if you have AIM give my Blogbot a try.

And in other news im not feeling very motivated today.

Well, Its that time of year again, TIME TO CARVE PUMPKINS!!! (well it will be in about 2 weeks.)

Personally, I love the event. I love Halloween, I like dressing up, I like dressing the kids up. I like making out with my GF in my costume. But what I expecially like about Halloween is pumpkin carving.

I went to the below site to see if I could get any new ideas for pumpkin carving. They had some nifty ideas there. I dont really plan on using any of them, but they were nifty.

ExtremePumpkins.com - Extreme Pumpkin Carving

I'll also post a link to last years pumpkins I carved. The pic is way dark so forgive it. This year is going to be better.

You cant see the "alien" pumpkin but "scarey-happy" and "Im scared" pumpkin came out well.

Im getting sick of Obi. So I told him so.

--- obi jack1 wrote:

>
> Dear Robert,
>
> Could you please give your work number so that I can
> call you or better still give me your mobile number
> if
> you have one.
>
> Sorry to ask you,what kind of job do you do? and
> what
> taxes are you talking about.
>
> Regards,
>
> Obi.

My Reply:

Obi,

My number is 234-90503972

I work for a company doing Nigerian 419 scams by email.

What is it you do again?

I was talking about the taxes on the imaginary 12.5 million Ive "inherited".

I was going to keep stringing you on forever but Im afraid Ive actually been feeling bad about misleading you. And I also feel bad for not reporting you to law enforcement. Next time you will probably email my grandmother and she is not saavy enough to know about Nigerian 419's, then just like Peter Parker (did you see spiderman?) It will be all my fault for not stopping you sooner.

Sorry Obi. It was fun for a couple of days but our 419 relationship is over. I think you might just have to find another Schultz to claim the 12.5 million(ha ha!).

However I dont recommend you use a Schultz, I live in a small town and even here there are multiple Robert Schultz's. So you might be better off trying a different bunch of suckers. Robert Schultz is the German equivilent of John Smith.

Nothing personal either Obi. You're the friendliest nigerian 419 scammer I ever corresponded with. (well actually the only one. I ignored the others). But since I am no longer laughing at your greed and desperation for my bank numbers/phone calls/whatever I am blocking you. I assume you'll get a bounce message if you reply to this.

But thanks for the 3 days of chuckles.

-Robert

And it continues!

--- obi jack1 wrote:

> Dear Robert,
>
> Thank you for your mail to me and I have also noted
> that you were perplexed at receiving my mail,like
> you
> stated in your mail that you do not beleieve me but
> I
> would wish to inform you that what I told you is
> authentic.
>
> I appreciate and understood you have no offensive
> intention in your first mail,though you said were
> obviously suprised,it is normal for one to think in
> line with that, but I wish to inform you that this
> transaction is hundred percent real and risk free.
>
> So I beleive it would be very pertinent for you and
> I
> to talk on phone for details concerning this
> transaction and for more clarifications,therefore I
> urge you to call me on my private telephone number
> +228-903-82-19 at all times.
>
> I await for your call.
>
> God bless you.
>
> Obi.

My Latest Reply

Obi,

I would love to call you because my GF is already spending my soon to be inheritance with little or no regard to how much will actually clear after taxes. There is just one small problem.

I dont have a phone and the people I work for appearently have restricted long distance access to my work phone at my desk, I just get fast busy when I try and call your number.

Please advise how you would like to proceed.

Im in the money,
Robert Schultz

This joker thinks im gonna fall for his scam. I cant stop laughing at him

> > --- obi jack1 wrote:
> >
> > > Mr.Obi Jack
> > > Obi & Associates
> > > No 16 Boulevard du la Kara
> > > Lome Togo
> > >
> > > Dear Robert Schultz,
> > >
> > > I am Mr.Obi Jack,a solicitor at law and a
> personal
> > > attorney to Late Mr.Ferdinand K.Schultz,here in
> > > after
> > > shall be referred to as my client.My client
> worked
> > > as
> > > an independent contractor to the Shell
> Development
> > > Company here in Lome Togo.
> > >
> > > On the 21st of April 2000 my client, his wife
> and
> > > their only daughter were involved in a car
> > accident
> > > along Nouvissi express Road and all occupants of
> > the
> > > vehicle unfortunately lost there lives.Since
> then
> > I
> > > have made several enquiries to locate any of my
> > > clients extended relatives this has also prove
> > > unsuccessfull.
> > >
> > > I have contacted you to assist in repartrating
> > fund
> > > valued at Twelve Million Five Hundred United
> > States
> > > Dollars only($US12,500,000.00)left behind by my
> > > client
> > > with the Eco Finance and Security Trust Bank
> Lome
> > > Togo
> > > before it gets confisicated or declared
> > > unserviceable
> > > by the Finance Firm where this amount were
> > > deposited.
> > >
> > > The Director of the Eco Finance and Security
> Trust
> > > Bank contacted me on friday 15-08-2003 and asked
> > > that
> > > I as the attorney to late Mr smith should
> present
> > > either his cousins or his next of kin so that
> they
> > > will release and transfer the fund left in their
> > > custody to them.
> > >
> > > Ever since then, I have made several attempts to
> > > locate any of his cousins or next of kin so that
> > > they
> > > will come forward to put in claims to the said
> > fund
> > > but unfortunately, I discovered that in all his
> > > files
> > > with my chambers,he never metioned having any
> > > relatives nor cousin's.
> > >
> > > After several attempts to trace any of his
> > relative,
> > > I decided to track his last name over the
> internet
> > > in
> > > search of his cousins hence I contacted you.
> > >
> > > One fact remains clear,that anybody I present to
> > the
> > > bank as his next of kin, shall inherit the fund
> > and
> > > it
> > > is based on this fact that I ask you to get back
> > to
> > > me
> > > immediately so that we both will discuss on
> terms
> > of
> > > pertnership in this issue so that I will forward
> > > your
> > > name to the bank as his legitimate next of kin
> > > backed
> > > up with a sworn affidavit of oaths from the
> > > magistrate
> > > court of Togo.
> > >
> > > Be advised that this transaction is 100%
> risk-free
> > > as
> > > this transaction will remain sealed for life at
> > the
> > > conclusion which will not take more than Three
> > > weeks.
> > >
> > > I await your immediate response so that I will
> > give
> > > you a more comprehensive detail as regards to
> this
> > > transaction.
> > >
> > > Barrister Obi Jack.
> > >
> > > Principal Attorney,
> > > Lome - Togo

My Reply

HUH?

His Reply to My Reply:

> Dear Robert Schultz,
>
> What is Huh? and what exactly do you mean?.
>
> Regards,
>
> Obi

My Reply to That:

The definition of huh.

"Huh-Used to express interrogation, surprise,
contempt, or indifference."

In this instance I am trying to confer that I have no
idea what your talking about and would like further
information. However I think I may also be implying
that I dont believe you, and
that I am obviously surprised.

Heir Appearently,
Robert Schultz

I found a joke bot at http://shadow.ieor.berkeley.edu/humor

It asks you about some jokes then starts tailoring the jokes to suit your sense of humor.

I like this one:


A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

or

A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"Yes I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"


http://shadow.ieor.berkeley.edu/humor

Here is a picture of my coffee pot I posted for absolutley no reason.

Yahoo! News - Top Stories Photos - AP

Kerry supporters rip up childs sign

I know alot of you are probably going to vote democrat this year.
Just keep this in mind when you're looking at John Kerry's Smiling face.
I personally will be listening to the swiftboat veterans.


Reflectoporn is coming this afternoon/evening. I promise.

Im thinking Ive decided on what to reflect and what Im reflecting in.

Its on.

I don't know how many of you out there have kids. I do. 4 of them. And they are a pain in the goddamn ass.

Heres the scenario:

Someone rented 50 bucks of pay-per-view porn on my cablebox. And of course no one admitted it. I had it narrowed down to the only 2 kids who have passed through puberty. The 15 year old and the 12(almost 13) year old.

So I confronted them. But they say it was "Not Me" and "I dunno". Well, let me tell you that shit is not going to wash. I told the 2 of them that it HAD to be one of them. A fact that the 12 year old could admit, The 15 year old said "well it might have been someone else" thus starting the confirmation of his guilt. Logically speaking, nobody broke into my house, watched porno, then left without leaving a trace of themselves. That's impossible and like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle says, when you eliminate all that is impossible whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the case.

So I started in with the interrogation techniques. First, one of my favorites, book holding. If your not familiar with this exercise it goes like this: You(The kid) holds one of my college textbooks in each hand with arms outstretched until someone cracks. Drop the books and things will turn violent (So I tell them but I don't really mean it, they buy it tho). Well after about 10 minutes of that the 12 year old is balling his eyes out. So I ask again. "Was it you? No.", "Was it you? No.", the 15 year old is staring at the floor. Not a tear in his eye. More evidence of the guilty party. But nobody is talking. FINE! Pushup position suckers. Well after about 5 minutes of being in the pushup position they both are balling. But I think its because I gave a speech regarding the fact that the guilty party never cries. OK. OK. OK. Stop.

The faster tactics just aren't working. Lets try some chair sitting. Well I set them in some chairs with nothing fun around and left them for a few hours and when I return one kid is obviously more pissed off than the other. Its the 15 year old. But still no one fesses up.

At this point, "Stephen (12 year old), you're off the hook. Get out of here." To which he cheerily replies thank you and skedaddles.

Then I turn to the 15 year old. "I think it was you." he denies it. I tell him it doesn't matter anymore what he says. He's going down for it. So he proceeds to skulk in that same spot for 2 hours and grumble about how it could have been some unknown 3rd party.

Now for the clincher...After the aforementioned 2 hours of skulking I say to him, "So are you mad at your brother? For doing this crap and you taking the fall for it?" his reply, "No.", Then he starts balling telling me how much he doesn't care what I think. I replied, "don't be stupid, your balling, you obviously care. So shut up."

If that isn't an admission of guilt I don't know what is. His bank account will be duly deducted the 50 dollars and I will have to stomp on him for not admitting what he did. (which is what really bothers me about it.). Additionally when I check dates one of the movies was rented on a day the 15 year old had his chum spend the night and they slept in the living room. Busted.

Kudos to the NA group. I have been extremely impressed that problems keep dropping like dominoes!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Unfortunately there are still a few bugs that need worked out. but I am confident everthing will be working AOK by the end of tomorrow. :^)


in other news the escaped mealworms I fed to the ants about a month ago seem to have developed into medium sized beetles. I hope the ants eat them in this life stage.

Heh. If not I guess there will be more mealworms availible.

I really need to decide on if the ants are hibernating. I suppose it would lower rates(I dont think the ants will breed in the winter,regardless) but if I move again or if those beetles cave something in then death rates will go through the roof. The ants can cope with a disaster alot better if they are awake...

What to do what to do?

HI, Well there was a big mess created when they(The network analyst group) upgraded the citrix servers and tried to use this simplified printing solution. See the stupid crap just dont work.

Ugh.

Working with the NA group and fixing this stuff all day long. :^(

DoodleBug | Doodles, Competitions, sketch away :)

Check me out I suck!(Im rated 150 out of 2266 tho.)

Dana's Downloadable Album of the Month

Dana's Downloadable Album of the Month

This month: My father the pop singer.

My GF left for Rochester with my digicam so I cant post reflectoporn until next friday.

Baha'i'

Never heard of it. Appearently I hold the same beliefs as these people. Heh.

Perhaps I am the latest route of divine wisdom to earth.

All because I believe in space alien messiah's.

Do you believe in space alien Christs? I assume if there are space aliens then they must have their own jews up there. Hanging Xef'morf of Gobbleton from an eight armed crucifix. Blessed be his name.

Or any of the pagan Christs would count too.

Maybe I should look those people up huh?

Well there was a dead bird out by the smoking spot. Nasty huh? Just wait.

So I go about my merry fixing things way, and when I return I kinda slide back into my cube.

Im stopped short.

Dead bird on my keyboard.

Ick!

So I put it on my friend Dan Moore's keyboard since I assume it was he who put it there.

He returns, says it wasn't him and hangs it from the ceiling with a shoelace.

What a strange and wonderful world.

No reflectoporn. I just didn't have time. Its on my list of things todo tho.

Well I usually dont have much to say on a friday. I think at lunch Ill post a new picture(since the old one scrolled off the bottom of the page). Ill take requests until lunch as to what sort of picture it will be...

maybe ill post some reflecto-porn. (but I seriously doubt it.)

I dont know why anybody would fight over being a moderator at a web board. See I have this friend who runs a robot site. And Im a moderator there and it takes all the fun out of the board entirely. Im always worried about what to delete, what to move, where to move it. And then theres these idiots who come around spamming and I clean up their mess and whatnot. Its a big pain. Ok theres my rant for the day.

Sometimes I wish I was a fat, rich, german hacker.

Sigh.

Dont sign up for anything there tho. I heard he swindled abunch of people out of money.(Surprise!)